25 October 2012

Everything and Nothing

We are, none of us, everything.

Not to ourselves or our spouses or our children or to anyone who we love.

I'm reminded of this forcibly when my 2-year old's face crashes because I can't pick her up. Baby brother in one arm and three or four grocery bags in the other, walking through the middle of the parking lot, it's an impossibility. I cannot do it.

I hate that, those moments where I know what they need and I know what they want and I still can't do it, the moments where I have to look into their eyes and say, "Mommy can't right now," and I know they don't understand.

They need everything. They need to be held by arms stronger than mine, cared for by someone more patient than I am, fed and clothed and hugged by someone with infinite energy.

That's not me.

And so I choose, here and there, the things I'm good at and the things I like and the things I feel called to, and I try to become good at giving those things. I try to let the rest go, to know that Daddy and Jesus can meet the needs I cannot meet. All the same, in this torn ragged world we live in, I know that some needs, some important needs even, will go unmet.

I can be everything to no one. And so I strive to do a few things well, knowing all the while that they need everything and I can't give them that, no matter how much I would if I could.

May I point them to Jesus, who has already given it all! May one of the things I learn to do well be directing their eyes to his and teaching them to see! May they have receptive hearts to see and hear and understand!

Linking with Emily today.


Unknown said...

You know, I think it's kind of sad that we have all feel this inadequacy. I wish our culture was more community and family oriented. So many cultures don't expect mothers to go it alone, but somehow we've done this to ourselves - expected the impossible. Then, the guilt comes we when can't do it all. Be encouraged today that you are enough just as you are. You are not, however, a superhero ;)

terri said...

Sitting with you here. Loving you too, exactly here, where this feels so familiar to me and my heart is hurting like yours.

christianne said...

I love these thoughts from you here, Sarah. This is a theme I must revisit often, too. We can be everything to nobody. What beautiful truth ... and also grace.