Several weeks ago, I started thinking about my year of "enough." It was a strange thing for God to give me that word, because I'd searched for his heart in similar ways before and not heard anything. But I embraced what I heard and walked through my year with it by my side.
As it turns out, I'm not sure if "enough" was something for me to focus on or just a heads-up about where I was going. Sure, I meditated on the concept and it functioned as a touchstone for me over the year, particularly during the first 6 or 8 months. But it wasn't something I did. It wasn't something I strove for. Hearing "enough" at the end of 2008 was almost like a prophecy, or sign post saying, "Just so you know, this is where you're going."
In light of that, I was surprised to hear another word for the next year.
"Rejoice," I heard, almost before I'd gotten the question out of my mouth.
My response was somewhat less than I would have desired. "Really? Are you sure?"
Turns out, God was sure.
My response was somewhat stronger several days later when we heard about Dave's job. "Clearly, that rejoicing thing is out the window," I said.
I don't think God said anything, but I had the distinct impression that he cocked his head slightly and looked at me with raised brows.
"You've got to be kidding," I said. "I think I might be lucky to survive next year, let alone find joy."
Since his expression didn't change, I could only assume that he was not, in fact, kidding.
And so today I embark on a year of rejoicing. I'm not sure what that means, though I'm fairly sure it has very little to do with feeling comfortable and happy. More like finding the winged horses that come to rescue those who can't help but jump off the cliff, hoping against hope that their distinct impressions of "something out there" are real, and will become solid before the ground does.