02 July 2010

Saying Goodbye

For me, saying "goodbye" carries connotations of moving vans, packing tape, and stacks of boxes. I remember last playtimes with my friends, and the strange feeling of walking away knowing that I wouldn't be back.  I remember getting in the car and driving away, feeling for all the world like I was going on a vacation instead of traveling to a new life.

Dave worked his last day on Wednesday. Even with more than 6 months of notice, that goodbye has made this week bittersweet. We didn't drive away, but we're very much in a different place than we were a year ago, or even a week ago.

Right now we're walking a twisty path. In some ways, it's easy going. We're not climbing mountains or negotiating crevasses with ice axes and crampons. On the other hand, it often feels more like wandering than hiking. Instead of following a trail, we're on the lookout for the next cairn, hoping that someone bothered to mark the path in front of us or else we risk getting lost.

Fifteen months ago, I was living a different life. Sometimes, I feel like the only thing connecting my life in April 2009 with my life now is me.

As I've walked this crazy path, I've pondered and meditated and contemplated. Since many of these thoughts center around certain themes, I've thought about starting a new blog. But right now I crave continuity. I cherish the thought of being the person who has lived these different lives and who unites them. And so over the next . . . as yet undefined period of time, I'm going to be posting the fruits of my wanderings (and occasionally the wanderings themselves). I think they have the potential to change this blog, to move it beyond commentary on my life, what's going on, and the people in it, into something else.

I can't help but wonder where we'll be fifteen months from now. October 2011, what do you have for us?


heather said...

You scared me when I read the title. Thought you were leaving the blogging world. (There was a keening "noooooo!" over here, in case you didn't hear.)

Crisis averted.

I understand this. The one consistency about life is change, especially in our globalized, transplanted world. Who among us lives where we are from? Who among us works for the same company for our entire careers? Who among us has the same career that we trained for in college?

You are not alone. But I do think that part of the reason our culture struggles with loneliness is because of the constant changes. So I pray that during this time, you will have stability and community to guide you through.

Sarah said...

No! Not leaving! Happy to avert your crisis ;)

Indeed, I have found that I struggle with loneliness in this time of so much change. Thus, in part, my return to blogging ;)

Tammy said...

Hi Sarah.
Sorry I am just now getting over here. My life seems to be a revolving door of chaos so that is my only excuse. I am sorry.

I have been reading though. You know a few months ago it crossed my mind to write a blog of thankfulness. One, because it helped me see the other side of life instead of all the bitterness of life.

But, I didn't. It appears now that you have beat me to it. I might try that (sometime)......but right now I am pissed off (if that is okay) with God and the whole world so I doubt that blog will be going up very soon.....but I might get a wild burst of energy and do it. Who knows?

I respect you Sarah for your perseverance. Isn't there a scripture somewhere in Romans about perseverance? Anyway....you have it so I believe God will bless it. You have a lot to say about life bottled up in that heart of yours.....a lot of wisdom that needs to be squeezed out.

Hope little pumpkin, you, and Dave are well.

christianne said...

I think about you and the many changes in your life a lot. I like hearing that you've got thoughts and meditations on this season, and I will happily read them (and learn lots from them, I have no doubt!).

Here. Reading. Loving. Glad to know you.

terri said...

i'm so happy to hear that you'll be sharing more here. although, i hear the pain and strain of all the changes. i think i really get that from where i'm sitting in my temporary place with no picture of how my life will play out in the near future. it's hard to trust here, yes? and it's hard to maintain hope and energy. but i'm here listening, if that helps. much love to you...

kirsten michelle said...

And so: Where do we go from here?

How to make your way, how to find where and what is next. How to find where and what is NOW. So many changes in so little time, it's no wonder that you're feeling the way you are.

I can relate.

We are here with you, waiting, walking, wondering, asking. If you must wander, at least you do not wander alone.

Blessings & love to you, dear friend.