14 October 2010

Choose Blessing

Baby smiles fast become little girl grins as biggerBiggerBIGGER hands grip mine and growing feet learn to step. My heart jumps, to proverbial throat and then threatens to exit body entirely as I look at what he made out of us.

The girl is a triumph, our triumph in this difficult year. She promises victory, reminds us that no matter what, no matter how all of the uncertainty and difficulty fall out, life triumphs over darkness and death.

God wins, as a friend of mine once said.

God wins, and we are struggling right now, he and I standing together to fight things mundane and yet wrenching. God wins, and we are making decisions that involve drawing back, drawing in, making a move that seems for all the world like going way, way backwards. God wins, and I know my love's heart is aching with the choices he can't make right now, and mine aches for him, that the choices he wants aren't among the offered options.

But we take her with us as we go, our spring-hope flower, the little one who smiles and grows in spite of rocks in the soil and whose pixie-face brings sunshine to the socked-in soul.

Our promise, our blessing as we Jacob-wrestle through the night. Even though we walk away limping, we have been blessed.


Joining Em, at my home-away-from-here-on-Thursdays.

10 comments:

Heather said...

Such beauty and truth in these words.

I read this recently and this post immediately brought the quote to mind: "The drama [of creation] thus has a 'poetic' dimension, inasmuch as the first thing God says/does with words is create . . . Augustine compares God to a workmen whose tools, like the poet's, are words: the beauty of the created universe in comparable to a polished speech" (in Remythologizing Theology by Kevin Vanhoozer, p. 278).

I love your poet-words that reflect God's poet-words.

Wandering On Purpose said...

I can relate to so much of what you write in this post - the Jacob-wrestling, the joy a child brings, etc.

Brian Miller said...

i smiled at the look what he made out of us...i see that often in my boys...and i know wrestling as well...limping away...smiles.

Rebecca said...

This was so beautifully written. And it reminded me of the passage we chose for our wedding homily: Ps 127. Lo, children are an heritage from the Lord!

terri said...

so lovely. you make me feel at home with your words.

christianne said...

Something about this makes me ache for you. I think it's the part about making decisions that feel like going so far backward and not having among those decisions the choices you both really want for him.

I'm looking forward to our phone date tomorrow to learn more of the story of your days right now. I love you, friend.

alittlebitograce said...

this resonates with me. we are also going through dark days and my children, especially the youngest with his bright hair and funny voices, are my hope. praying for you again today.

Jennifer said...

God loves you and I pray he makes a way...Jennifer aka gigi

emily wierenga said...

i cannot tell you how this sung to me tonight... how my own heart leapt with yours... how your words pulled me and hugged me and shook me... such good writing. with such heart, bleeding through it. thanks for joining me friend. praying strength for you as you wrestle. xo

melissabrotherton.com said...

Oh, man. You really are going through it right now! I can feel it in your words. Those decisions, that tension of knowing change is ahead but not certain of what it is. Praying for your family as you walk forward in God's will! And what a blessing our kids are to distract us from the worry and stress we can feel in focusing on it all.